• 22 Year Old Me: Married 65 years...how did you manage? What's the secret?
  • Grandpa: I nailed a lot of prostitutes when I was in the service. Your grandmother never found out.
  • 22 Year Old Me: That's...that's not actually...that's not really a very beautiful story really. Yet it's oddly inspiring.
  • Grandpa: You're whole generation is a bunch of damn pussies. Get me some more scotch before your mother notices how much I've already had.
  • Trysten (8 year old)<watching two squirrels doing it in the park>: Hahaha, that squirrel in the back is really bad at leap frog!

We’ve really been working on raising independent children.  Yesterday I took our 11 year old son to Men’s Warehouse to get fitted for a tux for my sister-in-law’s upcoming wedding.  He took his little tux, waited in line to get a fitting room and, when it was his turn, marched right in all without asking for any help from me. I was rather proud of myself and what a great job parenting I’ve been doing.  

About 10 minutes later I asked through the door how it was going.  He yelled back, “these assless chaps really are very airy!”  He gets that inappropriate wit from his mother. 

Funny Hairless Monkeys

  • Trysten (8 year old): Wait, Chicago isn't a state?
  • Julian (11 year old): <doing that eye rolly thing kids always do> duhhh
  • Trysten: Well excuse me, I haven't learned geometry yet!

Yes, I now realize there’s a big difference between saying

Your parents must be assholes because you’re the shit!

and

Your parents must be assholes because you’re shit!

Thanks Pickup Line Panda.